HUMOUROUS PERSPECTIVES

Woody Allen, the American existentialist philosopher, once began a graduation speech in this manner:

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

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The story goes that when legendary Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes was in his 89th year, he found himself on a train one day. Unable to locate his ticket, he appeared rather agitated. The conductor, recognising him, said that it was OK, he could mail the ticket to the railroad when he found it later.

Justice Holmes turned to him and said: "You don't understand my predicament. The problem isn't the location of my ticket; the problem is my destination. Where am I going?"

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Business needs brevity. Lincoln's Gettysberg Address contains 266 words, most of them single syllable; the Ten Commandments contain 297 words; the Declaration of Independence contains 300 words; and a standard memo to boost organisational productivity contains 2,000 words!

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The organisation's top house-to-house salesperson was asked: "What is the secret of you phenomenal success?"

He responded: "It's quite simple. The first five words I say whenever a women opens the door is 'Miss, is your mother in?'

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Groucho Marx was once asked by someone to join a particular club. He responded, "You don't think I'd join any club that would have me for a member, do you?"

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Speaker (about to begin a speech): I am here. . .
Audience heckler: So am I. . .
Speaker: But you are not all there.

[Excerpted from 'Surfing the Intellect: Building Intellectual Capital for a Knowledge Economy', by Dilip Mukerjea.]