Continuing from an earlier excerpt from Dilip Mukerjea's new book, Brainaissance: The Renaissance of the Brain & The Rebirth of Imagination:

HUMOUR IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

The Accidental Entrepreneur:

"So, what made you decide to go into business for yourself?" "It was “Something my last boss said."

"Really, what was that?" "You're fired."

A Philadelphia dentist, Sam Lipschitz, went off to India to find the meaning of life. Months went by and his mother didn’t hear a word from him. Finally, she took a plane to India and asked for the wisest man there. She was directed to an ashram, where the guard told her that she would have to wait a week for an audience with the guru, and at that time she would only be allowed to speak three words to him. She waited, carefully preparing her words. When she was finally ushered in to see the guru, she said to him, “Sam, come home!”

Two guys are hunting in the forest and they run across a bear. They both take off running, but after a while one guy stops, takes off his backpack and pulls out a pair of running shoes. The other guy sees this and is wondering what is going on, so he stops, runs back to the guy and asks "Why are you putting on your running shoes, do you really think you are going to be able to outrun that bear with those?" The other guy said: "I don't have to out run the bear, I just have to out run YOU!"

A robot walks into an Oktoberfest celebration, orders a drink, and offers some cash.

The barmaid says, "Hey, we don't serve robots."

And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will."

A gingerhead is sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer keeps bugging her to play a game with him so as to determine who has more general knowledge. Finally, he says he will offer her hundred-to-one odds. Every time she doesn’t know the answer to one of the questions, she will pay him five dollars. Every time he doesn’t know the answer to one of her questions, he will pay her five hundred dollars.

She agrees to play, and he asks her, “What is the distance from the earth to the nearest star?”

She says nothing, just hands him a five-dollar bill.

She asks him, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down with four legs?”

He thinks for a long time but in the end has to concede that he has no idea. He hands her 500 dollars.

The gingerhead puts the money in her purse without comment.

The lawyer says, “Wait a minute. What’s the answer to your question?”

Without a word, she hands him five dollars.

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.

The man says, “I have a fancy blue Mercedes. Here are the keys. Keep it until the loan is paid off.”

Six months later the man returns to the bank, repays the $200 plus $10 interest and takes back his car. The loan officer says, “Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a luxury Mercedes need to borrow $200?”

The man replies, “I had to go to Europe for six months. Where else could I store a Merc that long for $10?”

Here's an excerpt from Dilip Mukerjea's new book, Brainaissance: The Renaissance of the Brain & The Rebirth of Imagination

HUMOUR IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

The True Entrepreneur

A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective lessee shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a men's wear shop.

'That's fine,' the mall manager says. 'You get free signage; what do you want on the sign?' 'Men's Wear,' says the man.

A second guy comes along and asks to rent the right hand space for his gentleman's formal wear business. When asked he says he wants 'Men's Wear' on his sign. The mall manager tells him that the left hand shop will have the same sign. 'No problem,' says the man.

Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle space. The manager is somewhat concerned because this guy also has a men's wear shop. Warily the manager asks the third man what he wants on his sign.

The guy replies: 'Entrance.'

Indian Brains

Mathematician: How do you write 4 in between 5?

Answers by: Chinese : Is this a joke? Japanese : Impossible!

American : The question's all wrong! British : It's not found on the Internet And the Indian: F(IV)E

Two cows are standing in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, “Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it is actually goes on into infinity.”

The second cow turns to the first and says, “Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

Accounting for Life

A woman is told by her doctor that she has six months to live. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, there is,” the doctor replies. “You could marry a tax accountant.”

“How will that help my illness?” the woman asks.

“Oh, it won’t help you illness,” says the doctor, “but it will make the six months seem like an eternity.”

Dilip Mukerjea writes in his new book, Conquering Critical Thinking : Breaking Through from How to Wow!:

HUMOUR IS CRITICAL TO YOUR HEALTH!

There’s a reason jokes entertain us, and it has more to do with intelligence than we think. Crafting a good joke is as serious an exercise in critical thinking as anything else. When comics recognise something as funny, they actually explore why it is funny. The process usually looks something like this: 

(1) Humorists will make an observation about the world around them, something that reflects the mundane occurrences of life.

(2) Then they will examine one of those observations and think about the ways that most people intuitively interpret that observation (the more universal the better). 

(3) Finally, the comic must look for alternative interpretations that no one else has considered but are just as true, if not more so.

A Critical Thinking Apéritif For You! 

Michael: Do you drink beer? 

Conrad: Yes, I do. 

Michael: How many beers a day? 

Conrad: Usually 3. 

Michael: How much do you pay per beer? 

Conrad: $5.00, which includes a tip. 

Michael: And how long have you been drinking? 

Conrad: About 20 years, I suppose... 

Michael: So a beer costs $5.00, and you have 3 beers a day, which puts your spending each month at $450.00. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400.00 correct? 

Conrad: Correct. 

Michael: If in 1 year you spend $5,400.00, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000.00 correct? 

Conrad: Correct 

Michael: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? 

Conrad: Do you drink beer? 

Michael: No. 

Conrad: Where’s your Ferrari?

Writing in his book, Championing Children: Gold Medal Thinking for Future Readiness, Dilip Mukerjea shares

SOME SERIOUS HUMOUR TO GET YOU SERIOUSLY LAUGHING

1) A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. 

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. 

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork. 

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. 

He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.

2) When my son Alex began spending lots of time in the Internet chat rooms, I worried that his grades would suffer. I made him promise to do schoolwork until I returned home at 5p.m. 

One day at 4:30 I decided to check up on him. Using my office computer, I went on-line and entered his favorite chat room. 

To my dismay I saw Alex’s name among the list of current participants and immediately decided to teach him a lesson in front of his cyber friends. “Alex,” I typed, “this is your mother, and you are grounded for two weeks!” 

”Hi, Mrs. Meyers,” came a reply. “This is Jeffery. Alex’s doing homework right now, and he said I could use his computer. But I’ll be sure to let him know that he’s been grounded.”

3) A magician worked on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, he did the same tricks over and over again. 

One problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once the parrot understood, she started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat! Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” 

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot. Then the ship sank. 

After swimming for a few hours, the magician found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared malevolently at each other but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another, and then another. 

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could restrain itself no longer: “OK,” she said, “I give up. What’d you do with the ship?”

4) Teacher: ‘Jerry, if you don’t settle down and become more serious, you’ll never grow up to be a responsible man.’ 

Jerry: ‘Miss, I AM already a responsible boy. Every time something happens, Mum always tells me that I’m responsible!

HUMOUROUS PERSPECTIVES

Woody Allen, the American existentialist philosopher, once began a graduation speech in this manner:

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

* * *

The story goes that when legendary Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes was in his 89th year, he found himself on a train one day. Unable to locate his ticket, he appeared rather agitated. The conductor, recognising him, said that it was OK, he could mail the ticket to the railroad when he found it later.

Justice Holmes turned to him and said: "You don't understand my predicament. The problem isn't the location of my ticket; the problem is my destination. Where am I going?"

* * *

Business needs brevity. Lincoln's Gettysberg Address contains 266 words, most of them single syllable; the Ten Commandments contain 297 words; the Declaration of Independence contains 300 words; and a standard memo to boost organisational productivity contains 2,000 words!

* * *

The organisation's top house-to-house salesperson was asked: "What is the secret of you phenomenal success?"

He responded: "It's quite simple. The first five words I say whenever a women opens the door is 'Miss, is your mother in?'

* * *

Groucho Marx was once asked by someone to join a particular club. He responded, "You don't think I'd join any club that would have me for a member, do you?"

* * *

Speaker (about to begin a speech): I am here. . .
Audience heckler: So am I. . .
Speaker: But you are not all there.

[Excerpted from 'Surfing the Intellect: Building Intellectual Capital for a Knowledge Economy', by Dilip Mukerjea.]

21ST CENTURY VOCABULARY

I have stumbled upon the following fascinating blog post entitled '21st Century Vocabulary' at this weblog link.

"The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year (2008)’s winners:

Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered from a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action

13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan i n the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out .

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

17. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole."

HUMOUROUS PERSPECTIVES

It has been suggested that electric blankets should be crossed with toasters so those late risers can pop out of bed early every morning.

* * *

Back from work, the busy lady director asked her little boy: "And what have you been doing today?"

"Oh Mum, I played Postman Pat. I went to every house down our street and delivered letters. They were the ones I found tied with a pink ribbon in your cupboard."

* * *

Concluding a lecture on parachuting, the aviation lecturer said: "If your parachute fails to open, and after that, even the reserve 'chute remains unresponsive, hmm, I believe that's what is known as jumping to a conclusion."

* * *

The young graduate had become ensnared in a financial tangle. Several months ago, he loaned a friend in need $1000. The repayment did not appear to be on his friend's agenda, so the young man approached his father for some advice.

The father said, "No problem, son. Just write him a letter and say you need the $1500 that you loaned him."

"But Dad, it was $1000, not $1500."

"I know, son," said the father, "but if you up the figure he'll write back and state that he owes you only $1000. You then have it in writing."

* * *

Herbert Prochnow's wisdom: "A vacation is a succession of 2s. It consists of 2 weeks, which are 2 short. Afterward, you are 2 tired 2 return 2 work and 2 broke not 2."

* * *

There was one seat vacant on a crowded train. A woman turned towards another standing by the vacant seat and sweetly said, "Do sit down. You're older than I am."

Glaring at her, the other woman snarled, "I am not! Sit down yourself!". So the other woman sat down, smiling serenely. After a few stops she turned to the person sitting next to her, "That remark never fails to get me a seat."

[Excerpted from 'Surfing the Intellect: Building Intellectual Capital for a Knowledge Economy', by Dilip Mukerjea.]

HUMOUR IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

In a very respectable hotel the old bloke in charge of the cloakroom had been in the job for years and never bothered to give a ticket when coats were handed over to him.

A reporter got interested in him and asked the manager how the old geezer kept track of so many coats without dockets.

“Oh, don’t worry about old Ted. He’s been doing the job for years. Never had a complaint,” said the manager.

The reporter decided to put him to the test on the next busy Saturday night. When leaving he asked for his coat and when he received it he said, “How do you know if this is my coat?”

“I don’t,” replied Ted.

“Then why did you give it to me?” said the reporter with a hint of triumph.

“Because that’s the coat you gave to me, sir,” said Ted.


The lovers were entwined in a passionate embrace on the loungeroom floor when suddenly a car was heard coming up the driveway.

“Quick!” the woman shrieked.

“That will be my husband. He’s a policeman and he’s twice as big as you.”

Her companion hopped about frantically and said, “Where’s the back door?”

“We haven’t got one,” she replied.

“Well, tell me quickly,” he said, “where would you like one?”

[Excerpted from the 'Igniting Innovation' edition of The Braindancer Series of bookazines by Dilip Mukerjea. All the images in this post are the intellectual property of Dilip Mukerjea.]

CREATIVITY & HUMOUR II

[continued from the Last Post]

"Laughter is man's most distinctive emotional expression. Man shares the capacity for love and hate, anger and fear, loyalty and grief, with other living creaures. But humour, which has an intellectual as well as an emotional element, belongs to man."

~ Margaret Mead (1901-1978), American anthropologist;

Management can only flourish if they incorporate humour in the practice of professionalism. It is one of the prime aspects of our Intellectual Capital.

Benefits & uses of humour:

- "ice breaker" in brittle corporate situations;

- diffuses tension, eases stress;

- makes your perspective more acceptable;

- accelerates the development of interpersonal skills;

- boosts the productivity of meetings;

More importantly,

TAKE YOUR JOB SERIOUSLY, NOT YOURSELF!

Recommendation:

Open a "Smile File" or "Laughter Folder" to supercharge your business.

Your mood can affect the performance of your business. Humour, especially in the guise of comedy, is a fun and powerful way to develop interpersonal skills. Furthermore, it lies at the very heart of creativity.

Suggestions for building your Smile File and making the work areas more fun:

- Create a Humour Zone containing various gadgets, puzzles, toys, books and posters, for generating contagious humour;

- Look out for quotations, quips, anecdotes, comic videos and cartoons;

- Collect, or better still, create, posters and put them around the office;

- Compile photographs of one another in a special creative humour album;

- Periodically visit toy stores; they are an abundant source of ideas;

Exercise:

Note down ten specific actions that you could take to increase the fun factor in your office. (Become a Fun-atic!)

Start NOW!

[Excerpted from 'Brain Symphony: Brain-blazing Practical Techniques in Creativity for Immediate Application', by Dilip Mukerjea. All the images in this post are the intellectual property of Dilip Mukerjea.]

CREATIVITY & HUMOUR

One of the most essential ingredients of creativity is humour. If we think deeply about this sensation, we can appreciate that humour is no laughing matter. Here follows an example:

In the 1940s, an employee managed to slip past the secretary of Mark Woods, president of American Broadcasting Company.

"I just had to see you, Mr Woods," he said with a desperate look in his eyes. "I've asked my immediate supervisor for a raise, and he said I couldn't have one. I really ought to get the extra money."

"Why?" asked Mr Woods, looking utterly bewildered.

"Well, for one thing, there are three companies that want me."

"What three companies?"

"The light company, the phone company and the gas company," said the employee.

Woods sanctioned his raise in appreciation of his sense of humour.

Well timed humour is creativity at its best, and could be very popular in a social setting. It can work to great effect in the political arena too.

The worksphere operates far more productivity when humour is present. This correlates with also having a high level of tolerance - the higher the level, the greater the capacity for creativity.

Zsa Zsa Gabor, the famous Hungarian-American film and television personality once appeared on a show targeted for the lovelorn. One of the questions came from a young lady: "I'm breaking my engagement to an extremely wealth man who has already given me a fur coat, a Rolls Royce, diamonds and a stove. What should I do?"

"Give back the stove,' advised Zsa Zsa.

One must appreciate the difference between essentials and non-essentials. A good manager will be able to prioritise accordingly.

The Scottish-born American philanthropist, Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919), was visited on one occasion by a militant socialist. The zealot harangued Carnegie about the evils of capitalism and waxed eloquent on the need for equal distribution of wealth. Carnegie let the tirade continue until finally, he summoned his secretary.

He requested two figures to be brought to him immediately: the total value of his assets and possessions, and the latest estimate of the world's population. Upon receiving the information, he made a quick calculation and, turning to his secretary, said, "Give this gentleman sixteen cents. That's his share of my wealth."

Carnegie's quick thinking and creative solution leads us to focus on the fact that the solution to poverty lies not in the re-slicing of the same pie into tinier pieces. Instead, it lies in the creation of more wealth and greater opportunity.

Quick thinking cannot be overemphasised in creativity, though one does also benefit significantly from the slow, gradual process of meditation.

Here is an excellent example of rapier wit that is quick and reflexive. It occurred when an Algonquin Wag challenged the irrepressible Dorothy Parker to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence; she instantly shot back with "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

Former North Carolinian Senator Sam Erwin Jr, a gentleman of the old school, and in possession of a southern accent that dipped with charm, wrote the following definition of humour when he was 85:

"Humour is one of God's most marvellous gifts. Humour gives us smiles, laughter, and gaiety. Humour reveals the roses and hides the thorns. Humour makes our burdens light and smoothes the rough spots in our pathways. Humour endows us with the capacity to clarify the obscure, to simplify the complex, to deflate the pompous, to chastise the arrogance, to point to a moral, and to adorn a tale."

[To be continued in the Next Post. Excerpted from 'Brain Symphony: Brain-blazing Practical Techniques in Creativity for Immediate Application', by Dilip Mukerjea. All the images in this post are the intellectual property of Dilip Mukerjea.]